Why cant you trust an atom? You were too lazy to read that number. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I am not only pretty but also pretty awesome, pretty smart, and pretty kind. You may hear crickets when you try to tell a joke. I train my body. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. So far, so good. What do I do for a living? My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. But sometimes affirmations may not work. 261. 8. I have a new hairstyle today, its called I tried. A backbone. If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blanket back to your side. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. Whats the difference between a guitar and a fish? The dyslexic devil worshipper sold his soul to Santa. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. 29. A backbone. Today Im going to reach for the stars so that I can air out my armpits. 68. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Need to send some positive energy your way? Bill Murray, 258. What is the tallest building in the entire world? Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. Bill Gates. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 215. [click_to_tweet tweet="Things are getting better all the time" quote="Things are getting better all the time" theme="style4] Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. health is important. If youre hotter than me, then that means Im cooler than you. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? I am intelligent. It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, 9. Funny Affirmations. 57. 38. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Sometimes when I close my eyes, I cant see. The thing is, Im still getting ready. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. Square box, round pizza, triangle slices, now thats confusing. 18. Making everyone angry, piece of cake. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting! If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. 48. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. 168. 157. People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. I feed my spirit. 1. A gummy bear. 200. Nine out of ten people love chocolate, and the 10th person is always lying. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. Then, think about how easy it would be to say a simple statement to yourself throughout the day. 151. 241. Im not insulting you. 7. I am my childs greatest comfort. 158. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. I get up, dress up, and show up. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 91. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. You can use affirmations to alleviate pressure in highly stressful scenarios, like taking an exam or going to a job interview. May life man not be perfect, but Im blessed., 13. My mistakes dont define me. 150. - Donald Trump. Lorrin L. Lee. -Katrina Bowden. A mind is like a parachute. "I make people laugh, whether it's with me or at me.". "Sometimes the best part of my job is that the chair swivels.". I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. Because someone is always sitting on the deck. I am so f*cking awesome. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. I see the funny side of life more and more. I wish my wallet came with free refills. 3. 139. 40. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. 116. Get help beating negative thinking by reciting positive affirmation every day. "If you see me talking to myself. 201. P.D. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Get Love Tips Sent Straight To Your Inbox. Im thinking like a proton, always positive. 134. 157. "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Stop trying to make everyone happy. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. Funny Friday Quotes. Best friends eat your food. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? Never let a fool kiss you, or a kiss fool you. Start your day on a positive and lighter note with these funny daily affirmations and quotes to get you through. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. 128. Sam Levenson. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. 45. Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Its a door, thats how they work. I am adventurous. What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please., 4. Good morning! Life gives the test first and then the lesson. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. It just plain forms. 104. Hes dreaming too. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die. 216. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. Never forget that broken crayons can also color. Learn sign language, its very handy. 51. I will be the type of person I would like my children to become. We are going to be best friends forever, besides you already know too much. 114. I just go normal from time to time. 59. (John 14:27) 27. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. - Marcus Tullius Cicero. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? When affirmations make you feel good about yourself, they are most effective. 27. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Albert Einstein 274. - Bette Midler. I can always think of something funny to say. Be strong, I whispered to my WiFi signal. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. I don't entertain negativity in any shape or form. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. 179. My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. Im lovely because everyone likes me more than Monday morning!, 7. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. How do astronomers organize a party? Happy Birthday.". I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. So life is not always "All The Way Up", I guess. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I didnt fall, Im just spending some quality time with the floor. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 150. 152. 71. 192. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. 21. To the guy who created imaginary numbers in math: I hate you. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. When I was in high school I had two favorite subjects, lunch and recess. 177. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. 54. 32. Steve Martin 56. Run. Effective pushing often involves poop. 188. 222. Because it was soda pressing. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. Remember, What consumes your mind, controls your life., 7. 115. 164. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. Chris Rock "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 61. The world needs people like me to keep things interesting!, 15. Swimming trunks. I wish my wallet came with free refills. Im not here to judge, Im just pointing out all the mistakes youre making. 8. 161. Make the statements about yourself and for yourself. They log in. 229. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? 170. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. 1. - Unkmown. Today, I am thankful for this week. I see food, and I eat it. 12. These 50 funny affirmations will help you feel better about yourself while keeping a wide smile on your face. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? 205. 277. 144. Alison Boulter I am here not to compete because I know I am neither the fastest nor the smartest. 118. I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. Yeah, so is a grenade. 178. When I grow up to be a parent, my children will think the same about me. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. We have a connection. 126. "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.". Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again? Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. "I receive what I believe.". So, you promise yourself from tomorrow on, youll be starting your days using affirmations. 48. It has nothing new to tell you. 55. Fortunately, theres a way to reap the benefits of these powerful statements by giving them a humorous twist. Infographic: Why Do People Swipe Right (or Left) on Tinder. 217. 213. Really? If you just want to keep reading, then heres some affirmations about the funny side of friendship. Laughter brings me closer to people. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. I should have theme music every time I enter a room. I might take a nap if I get tired, but I wont quit. 147. 30. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Related Post: 201 Awesome Short Inspirational Quotes About Life. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow as well. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Short people with an umbrella. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. 1. I experience ease and flow as I navigate my exhilarating life. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. 37. I have committed to being my most outstanding self. 268. 111. May your coffee be strong and your Monday productive. I love my computer because all my friends live inside it. 71. 180. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 227. With time, I have started to value more time. 190. Theres no stopping me now. Read the first word again. 173. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for!, 13. 90. ". You might use humor as a coping mechanism. I am noticing that others are more drawn to me because I am funny. I try to see the funny side of every situation., 3. I am the sunshine even when its gloomy outside. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. No matter how bad it gets Im always rich when I go to the dollar store. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Billy Wilder. No, but April may. 220. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. Its called tomorrow. 100. I am Ananya, a professional speaker and I love motivating people and inspiring them to pursue their dreams. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. I did not trip and fall. I dont think thats a coincidence., 3. I am happy and joyful. Smiles are contagious, be a carrier. I am fine. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. 7. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. It has many of the same goals as affirmations, as theyre both associated with positivity and happiness. 207. 1. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 208. Bill Murray Can February march? Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. We frequently doubt ourselves. You know you are lazy when you get excited about canceling your plans. The world is missing some pizzazz. 199. 27. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 206. No beauty shines brighter than that of a good heart., 4. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. Not everyone has to like me. He said, 'So does the guy I stole it from.'" Robert A. Heinlein, 243. "It's going to be hard, but hard does not mean impossible.". Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. 3. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. Give me a photo of you so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas. But a little chocolate now and then doesnt hurt. 94. 65. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full., 11. I have seen better days, but Ive also seen worse. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. You might enjoy: Affirmations: 13 Answers You Should Know Funny Wednesday Work Quotes. 58. Roy Lichtenstein. Whatever I do, I will do it for fun, but with dedication and focus. I focus on breathing and grounding myself. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. 11. If you dont succeed at first, hide all evidence that you tried. Never let anyone waste your time twice. grateful. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. My cankles will hold me. They log in. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Education cost money. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. We all have different and distinctive senses of humor thats what makes us such unique individuals. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. I enjoy every minute of it. 85. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. I havent talked to my wife in three weeks. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 253. But you can always be immature. Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? A bargain is something you dont need at a price you cant resist. 187. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. 88. Im gonna be worse., 12. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. Ive been doing nothing for years. 85. 167. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. Send me the link. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. 111. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. How Do People Share The News About Their Engagements? What do computers eat for a snack? 5. 17. 18. "I am becoming humorous day by day.". When the past comes knocking, dont answer. 7. 112. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. My boss is like a baby, screams and wakes me up every half hour. 47. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. - Unknown. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. 26. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. It doesn't make sense to dwell on things you can't do anything about. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. Life begins on Friday night. 146. 225. 207. 3. Nobody gets out alive anyway. - George Burns. You can't wait for inspiration. 133. 182. 38. Im old enough to know better, but young enough to do it anyway. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. 268. I always dream of being a millionaire like my uncle. Nothing, they just waved. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 274. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. Stuart Turner, 247. Wilson Mizner, 262. Because he was always spotted. You need some sort of way to offset the inevitable stressors of life, and what better way to do that than with humor? 275. I dont like morning people, or mornings, or people. 40 Apology Paragraph For Her To Say Im Sorry, 80 Cute Relationship Quotes For Sweet Couples In Love, 50 Doubt In Relationship Quotes To Rebuild Trust, 75 Sad Broken Relationship Quotes To Fix Your Heartbreak, 70 Relationship Honesty Quotes On Love, Trust & Loyalty, 80 Relationship Sorry Quotes To Apologize To Your Love, 65 Disney Quotes About Family That Will Warm Your Heart, 90 Best Shrek Quotes From The Funny Ogre Movie, 80 Blended Family Quotes To Share With Your Loved Ones, 90 Female Fitness Quotes For Women Who Workout. 156. Things are getting better all the time. 276. Just like every Monday does on Earth. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. 184. Ive been doing nothing for years. Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 251. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Its called tomorrow. Today I was a hero. Its okay if people dont like me. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. And, it doesnt have to be hard or complicated! Laughter has always been lauded for its therapeutic effects. 181. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. 226. 217. 193. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. 262. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? 105. 89. We have a connection. 221. 115. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Why do they call it beauty sleep when you wake up looking terrible? Never take life seriously. If you want to catch a squirrel just climb a tree and act like a nut. 66. 95. Who says nothing is impossible? Why become moody when you can shake your booty. 191. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. Decomposing. 270. How do trees access the internet? 74. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Quotes that make no sense Photo: pexels.com (modified by author) Source: UGC. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. Finding humor in a difficult situation helps me win. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 137. Exercise? My jokes do. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. I am on a seafood diet. 62. 162. I dont cross oceans for people who wouldnt cross puddles for me. 31. 1. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I never apologize. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. I just wanted you to know that somebody cares. Theres no stopping me now. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Bill Murray Good morning! 80. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Should I Send My Child to Therapy? 165. 84. 234. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 234. It gets toad away. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. "Have a great Wednesday. 227. Steve Martin, 254. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? He who laughs last didnt get it. Say your affirmations slowly and clearly. Lily Tomlin, 242. 154. What do you call a bear with no teeth? Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. I see food, and I eat it. 78. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? Snowballs. I dont think thats a coincidence. Of course, I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if youre one of them (I bet you are), youre going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.